The rain pours. How many gallons have already fallen? The rain falls as my tears fall, staining my face. The tears slide down my cheek, dripping from my chin. Ever-flowing, never stopping The pounding rain forces me to my knees. The hole in my core continues to ache. Doubling me over. Slamming my fists into the ground, hoping that it too, will feel my pain. The pain wills the tears to leap from my red, sore eyes. I look up to the sky The angry clouds are throwing daggers of light to the soft earth. The rain pours. How many gallons have already fallen? The hole inside me still grows. The sky is screaming at me, bringing all my mistakes into the light. I can no longer tell what water came from the sky and what came from me...
My heaving body gives out so that my face is resting in the cool grass. She's gone. I had the chance to see her before she died. I forgot how precious life is. How unpredictable. I never thought the next time I would see her would be in her grave. So still, cold, pale. The rain still pours.
From up here it looks as if time is standing still. As if the waves of the ocean were paused before they peaked. the sky and ocean have melted together to form one giant watercolor. the ocean looks like a blue carpet with only cement underneath. It is hard to fathom the billions of lives and colors taking place of the cement. The sun reflecting off the water makes it look like snow. I have noticed the clouds only collect over the small islands. It makes me wonder if prefer the water that drips from the bodies of humans, as opposed to the cold bodies of sea life. Or maybe the clouds collect the tears that fall from the eyes of lovers. Maybe it's just humans in general that attract the clouds. The intensity of us.intense happiness, intense pain, intense sorrow, excitement, loneliness, joy, grief, all of the things that make us human. the things that make it all real, all worth it. But then again, is anything worth it in the end?
I want the intensity that accompanies love. The feeling that burns to my core. I can't even remember how I felt before I fell in love for the first time. Everything was so much simpler. Easier. I was once so in love it hurt me to even think of him. I couldn't speak around him. I couldn't breathe. We would spend hours on hours together without my lips leaving from his. We didn't have to speak, we just knew. one of my greatest fears is that I will not feel that way again. that I will be only content. Comfortable, but numb. Our love was like a rose. Beautiful, happy and full of life; until it started to wilt, slowly dying until only brown, brittle petals remained. Like a memory, always fading as time passed, drying the tears staining my cheek. What I would give to hold his hand again. For my cheek to brush against his as we dance, one last time in his driveway, forgetting the world around us. I would've done anything for him. Given anything. I would never go back to not knowing what love feels like.
